Trouser Jeans will make you a badass

What gives us power?  Money, fame, authority, big boobs?  Hmmm. Some might say yes to all of the above or some of the above, but we all know that power isn't handed to us and that just because we have it one day doesn't mean we'll have it the next. So power is fleeting. Wouldn't it be great if you could just strap some on like wonder woman's golden lasso? Oh she had it all: brains, confidence, beauty, a great body, big hair and plenty o' power thanks to that special lasso.

Y'know what? You can have the equivalent-- in the form of trouser jeans. That's right: trouser jeans will make you a badass. You'll exude confidence in trouser jeans. They don't just say Take me seriously;  they say Don't fuck with me! Maybe you're thinkin' that's a lot of talkin for a pair of pants. Well it is, but these are power pants so they send a strong message and provide

überconfidence. Trouser jeans should fit well, not too snug but they're definitely fitted. Remember, you'll be strutting, so they should hug your curves. They'll be indigo or black and they'll nearly graze the ground over your heels or boots (boots give you a natural swagger). The stretch component will keep everything in place but won't constrict--can't afford to be slowed down when you're ruling an empire or staging an overthrow. Maybe you're asking yourself if you can handle this kind of power. My answer to that is: you'll never know until you try. So strap on some trouser jeans, channel wonder woman, and go for it. Everyone deserves to be a badass.

Jeggings: They're a J-No

Y'know how some things work in theory but not in practice? Well, some things don't work in either. Listen, and I say this unequivocally--jeggings is a failed design, kinda like the jumpsuit.  From a word-formation standpoint, it's alright, even kinda cute. Jeans+Leggings=Jeggings. Let's dig deeper though and look at the parts: jeans are great, just universally appealing; leggings are okay (seriously they are just okay--not everyone can or should wear leggings). So it stands to reason that if you take something as delightful as jeans and add something that's not repulsive, you'd get a decent end result. You'd be wrong. This reminds me of when somebody thought it would be a good idea to mix peanut butter and jelly together in the same jar, swirled in layers. It was disgusting, and so are jeggings. Some hybrids just don't work. Before I go into a full-throttle rant, I'd just like to point out that a miniscule percentage of the female population can wear jeggings somewhat successfully. This person is under the age of 20, petite but slightly curvy (size 0 or 2), and graceful but also athletic, so basically a ballerina/gymnast/mouseketeer, possibly Romanian. And you know what? She'd look better in something else. If you are in this micro percentage of the population and inexplicably drawn to jeggings, please, please, please wear something over them that covers your butt, cuz this hybrid is more leggings than jeans and they do not function as full-blown pants/trousers, not even close. A boyfriend cardigan might do the trick. Jeggings is a J-No.