The Pantsdemic is upon us!
Eternal optimists will find a silver (silk) lining in anything, even a plague. Death, poverty, abject fear, isolation, political daymares... the list goes on. I'm not gonna minimize the magnitude of this pandemic, but I would like to highlight some of the sartorial upsides. I call it "Pantsdemic."
Pants, trousers, jeans... They've gone by the wayside along with the inherent zippers, buttons, and binds. Thing o' the past baby. Now, now in these challenging times (OK, it's waaaayyy past 'challenging'. Euphemisms! Challenging is a long conversation with a bore who questions climate change, not a deadly virus decimating the earth’s population), we need comfortable pants and pockets (equal pay too, but please give me pockets!). Just cuz I'm talking about pants doesn't mean I don't have perspective, but I do have pantspective. We are not wearing pants anymore, not like we used to.
We're in the midst of a Pantsdemic. If you're working or staying at home, I guarantee you're part of the Pantsdemic, and you likely don one or more of the following:
Zoom pants (nobody sees them, so who cares):
- pants optional (be mindful of your video cam)
- sweat pants/pj pants
- elastic, fold over, or drawstring waist anything
Grocery pants:
- same as zoom pants but without the option to opt out (of pants)
Same pants:
- rotating the same 2-3 pairs of pants since the beginning of the Pantsdemic depending on the weather, your activity, or the proximity of the pants to where you are. I guess those would be proximity pants. Here’s what my friend has to say about same pants: “So they're pjs, dog-walking pants, the bottom half of my Zoom "outfit", and then I go to sleep in them again.” Now that’s a woman getting some mileage out of Pantsdemic.
Bubble pants:
- sounds like clown pants, but it's really pants you wear in your self-created social bubble, those small groups of friends and family who you safely socialize with at someone's house, sometimes outside.
- skeeter pants: pants that cover your legs to protect from mosquitoes, some of them carrying the West Nile virus (cuz we need more killer viruses).
- super broke-in yoga pants. Nobody's doing yoga at this S.D. gathering but you might wax philosophical after countless bottles of wine. You're in the right pants, aka drunk pants or pass out pants.
Poundemic pants (I didn’t coin this term, poundemic, but I wish I had):
- expandable pants; they grow with you. We all need growth now. Pre-pandemic, I called these “buffet pants” but nobody’s goin’ to buffets anymore, so....
There’s no new normal, just new weird, and I believe the Pantsdemic is here to stay. Think of all the time saved on wardrobe planning, and we can use that time for better things, so pull on your comfy pants and go save the world! By the way, I’ll be wearing my blue joggers at the polls, my poll pants.
