A Boyfriend Cardigan Will Not Love You

Sex sells--right? Certainly the promise of sex sells. This is the only way I can figure that 'boyfriend cardigans' are selling. Let's cut through the fashion jargon on this one: these over-sized frumpy sweaters are not your boyfriend. They are not even your friend--quite the opposite in fact. Have you ever worn your boyfriend's or husband's clothes out of desperation (spontaneous camping trip, walk of shame)? How sexy was that? About as sexy as a bus station hobo after an all-night MadDog 20/20 party. It's not a good look so don't kid yourself that calling it a 'boyfriend cardigan' is gonna make it stylish. Now, I wonder how well the 'girlfriend cardigan' would sell to men. I'm picturing a fitted little number, maybe with some embellishment--a floral applique perhaps or a built in scarf. Yeah, right. So, I've brainstormed a more honest name for the boyfriend cardigan, something a little more descriptive. Here's what I got: the grandpa cardigan (smells like Ben Gay and pipe tobacco), the funny uncle cardigan (the fabric caresses), the PMS cardigan (hides the bloat; good for blind rage). Let me be clear: The boyfriend cardigan will not love you; it won't complete you or your wardrobe and it won't make you tingle all over (unless it's mohair). If you must, cinch it at the waist with a cute belt but don't expect it to remember your birthday or give you a back rub.