2012, A Year in Review: Teasey, Booty, and Skinny

It's that time again--time to look back and reflect on the fashion trends and triumphs of a year gone by. Here goes, in no particular order--

•  Jersey Shore: hair extensions, fake tan/boobs, jungle prints, and Jersey patois. Why so popular? I think it's because they set the bar so high for tacky and sleezy, let's call it teasey. No one can be that consistently over-the-top in all things teasey, so it gives us mere mortals something to aspire to. Considering this, my new year's resolutions include: getting tan, buff, drunk, and laid. When you think about it, they're all connected.  



• Bootie Call: Am I the only one who noticed that this only quasi-stylish item is selling like crazy because some genius named it booty?  Booties--not  a full-blown boot, not a shoe, but footwear that makes us think about sex. Bravo! Listen people--wear booties with jeans and trousers, NOT shorts and skirts. The same goes for shooties--shoe+bootie=shootie. Here's one you might not know about--sandal boots. This is gladiator meets exotic dancer. As far as I know, this item doesn't have a provocative name yet, but it deserves one. 
• Skinny Jeans: another marketing marvel.  The skinny jean phenomena knows no boundaries. The demographic range on this one is truly stunning: men, women, and children of all ages, shapes, and sizes sport skinny jeans. How can something with so little going for it be so universally appealing? You know why: because of the word SKINNY, that's why. Skinny jeans won't make you skinny just like boyfriend jeans won't love you. A more apt name for these would be Sausage Casing, but who's gonna buy that? Go ahead, wear them; I can't stop you, but don't kid yourself. Strap 'em on with your fake tan, booties, and plenty o' swagger and take 2013 by the balls, but watch out for the next great thing. I guarantee it'll come with a label that'll make you feel like a rockstar (and probably end in the letter y).